The Misadventures of A Ninja and His Mage
by iiFirefly
Summary: Kurofai Oneshots. Featuring: Kurogane teaching Sex-Ed and Failing badly, and a dead bear. -Soon to feature: pixies making snow? xDD- AU!Fic Horitsuba!Fic
1. Chapter 1

**_Hai Guys! * 3 * How y'all been doin'? Okay-- my other lil' fic is on hold, 'cause_****_ it gives me a headache to focus on all the drama that is WW2. *Yawns/stretches* Plus-- I have around five projects that need to be turned in on Monday. So...that story may be lost in the epic files of Lost-Ness. I don't own the characters-- ( I'm too tired to put somethin' catchy in there xD ), and...This is just for fun, 'cause everyone loves the idea of Horitsuba! *fan-girl squeal* _**

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"_Oh hell no_." A certain PE teacher stared at a paper that was handed to him a few seconds ago. He looked up to the Principal, "I refuse to do _that_." He stated, crossing his arms, and growling menacingly. The woman only laughed, "Oh, Kurogane. It's only necessary for you to do it. I mean," She smirked, "You're probably the most experienced teacher in this school-- What with Fai-san, and all." She laughed again, and said man blushed at her words.

"Besides, the state says that Sexual Education has to be taught; Don't worry, you'll be teaching mature kids, they'll either be too bored, or too fascinated to bother you." She stated, before gesturing the man to leave with a wave of her hand, "Now, leave, I have important matters to attend to!" She said, sitting in her chair, and rolling back in forth in a bored manner.

The teacher opened his mouth to retort, but was stopped as the woman placed her hands to her ears in a childish manner. Kurogane narrowed his eyes at the woman in a glare, stating that the battle wasn't over, before finally leaving the room.

"Damned sexual education, what the hell do they need to know at their age anyways?" The teacher wondered aloud, as he walked down the hall. The sessions would start the next morning, and he wished that he would've gotten the slip before-hand, instead of so suddenly. He looked down at the paper-- it was a permission slip. Classes for 11th graders. He was to show a video, ( which he was given, and was in his hands also, ) diagrams, etc. The whole idea made him blush. He couldn't even _imagine_ himself teaching a subject that was so taboo. His concentration on the paper was distorted when he heard a certain voice call out to him.

"Kuro-myu-sensei!" Came a voice, followed by a blonde popping out of a corner. "Wai! I found you~" He chimed, greeting the man with a smile.

Kurogane growled inwardly, "What have I told you about the damned nicknames?" He asked between gritted teeth.

"Wha-- Kuro-pon-sensei, mind your language! This is a school, not a jail!" The blonde pouted, before continuing, "I was looking for you! I was wanting to ask for a few band-aids. A beaker fell, and me and a student got our fingers cut a lil'. Yuui-sensei took mine all up after one of his students got burned." He informed the taller man, swinging lightly on his arm. The PE teacher looked down at the blonde, "Are you hurt?" He asked, trying not to let his voice show that he was worried. The blonde grinned, but shook his head, "Kuro-daddy-sensei's worried about Fai-Mommy!" He peeped, clinging to the man's arm, now, causing Kurogane to blush.

Kurogane coughed into his hand, failing to hide his blush. "Well, you can come and get some-- I'm guessing you also need some ointment?" He asked, leading the blonde into his office-- which was actually nothing more than a health room. He placed the paper and movie on his desk, watching the blonde take a seat at his chair. "Yes. That'd be good." Fai smiled, causing the red-eyed man to give a rare smile back. It was then that the raven-haired man noticed a VHS tape in the man's hands. He decided not to ask about it, not wanting to receive a long, annoying explanation.

He rummaged through one of his cabinets, wondering where he had placed it.

"Hyuu! Kuro-Seme-Sensei has to teach children about sex?" He asked, suppressing a giggle, and looking at the man in awe. Kurogane blushed, stopping to look at the Chemistry Teacher. "N-no! Well, yes-- but, still, it's none of your damned business!" He snatched the paper from the desk, and placed it on a high cabinet-- far from the smaller man's reach. "And stop with the nicknames!"

A moment passed before the blonde decided to speak up again, "Kuro-pii-sensei...You sure are dis-organized! It's been an hour and you're still looking for it!" He whined.

"The fuck? It's only been about five minutes, and I'm not unorganized-- it's just that the damned brats misplace them!" He growled, before smirking as he pulled a plastic box from the cabinet. "Ha! Found it, you idiot." The so-called, _'Idiot'_clapped his hands together, and made an attempt to whistle, "Hyuu! Kuro-wanwan-sensei's so smart!" Fai praised.

The coach handed Fai the box, and opened it to pull out the band-aids and the ointment. The blonde held out his hand, palm-down. Kurogane stared at it, before looking up to meet the blue eyes. "What?" He asked, blinking.

"Kuro-koi-Sensei has to put the band-aid on me! Then he has to kiss it to make it feel better~" He cheered, smiling like a kitten.

"Hell no." He mumbled, but took the blonde's hand. "Where's the cut?" He asked, rubbing his thumb across the smooth skin. "Right-- there." Fai used his free hand to point at a tiny, miniscule cut on his finger. Kurogane had to admit-- the cut was rather...cute. "That doesn't need medicine-- I'm sure of it," The PE teacher opened a band-aid, and placed it delicately on the skin; before kissing the patch softly.

The blonde blushed, smiling, "Kuro-kun's so nice! And formal~" He said, patting the man on the head as if he were a dog. Kurogane stood up, blushing as he looked away, "Tch. Whatever-- just make sure you don't get yourself hurt too bad, moron." He said, watching as the teacher gathered the band-aids, ointment, and his tape, which was probably nothing more than a documentary about the habits of praying mantises. "Bye Kuro-myu-sensei!" The blonde called, as he turned to kiss the man on the cheek before going out the door. "Oi!" Kurogane stood at the door, watching as the man stopped to look back, "Don't go crazy with those band-aids!" He called after him, knowing that Fai would end up covered in them. ( Possibly caused by his students ). The teacher nodded, smiling back, before disappearing into another hallway.

**_xx_**

Kurogane groaned, a day had passed already, and he hadn't gotten anything done on the subject he was to teach. ( Well, besides passing out the slips with a very flushed face. ) His 10th grade class would be starting in a few minutes, and he wished that he hadn't used up all of his sick days to spend them with the blonde. He stood up, grabbing the movie, and slipped it into the player easily, just as students poured in. He waited as the kids sat down, and became quiet. Then sat down at his desk, grabbed the remote, and pressed the play button. He didn't want to hear the video, so he turned his attention to reading.

It had been about five minutes, and everything was supposedly going good-- a little _too_well. The room was silent, except for a few whispers, paper crinkling, or the occasional giggle. Kurogane was too absorbed in the latest murder case to notice any noise at all-- but a faint, '_Hyuu_'. He blinked, "Damn that blonde," He mumbled, getting up to open the door to scold the teacher. But, when at the door, he noticed that the blonde wasn't anywhere-- and when he turned around, he blushed at the realization that he was showing a lost sex tape to the kids. In which the blonde had an accident with some of frosting he was making, and was now covered in chocolate, standing in the kitchen. The coach wiped away a bit of the chocolate with his hand, before using his tongue to clean up the man's chest. "I-I thought you didn't like chocol-_ah_-te..." The blonde wavered, watching the man.

"Onl--" Kurogane hurried to turn off the TV, not letting himself finish the line in the tape. He blushed bright red at what he knew was going through the kids' minds, as they replayed the events in whispers to their friends; gossiping about their coach, and their chemistry teacher.

"Cl-class is dismissed, we'll continue tomorrow!" Kurogane announced, flustered.

"But, Coach Kurogane-Sensei, class just started!" A student whined, flailing their hand in the air. Several outbursts followed the kid, as they all tried to stay in the class, hoping to see more of the footage. But with a single glare from their teacher, they all rushed out-- not wanting to feel his wrath. "Hyuu! Aren't you guys supposed to be in class?" Came a voice, causing Kurogane to run to the door, planning to scold the blonde.

"Aren't you supposed to be eating chocolate, not pouring it over yourself?" One student asked, causing the blonde to blush.

"Well, yes, you are supposed to eat chocolate." The blonde said, waving at the kids who giggled and gossiped as he walked by. "See you guys later, I suppose."

Fai walked up to Kurogane, "Hyuu?" The blonde said cutely, hoping to dispose of the bad vibe he was getting from the coach's glare. "I'm guessing you have the tape?" He asked, smiling sheepishly.

"Well, yes. And the way those kids were acting; I'll probably never live it down." He informed Fai, causing the smaller man to blush. "Where'd you get that anyway?" Kurogane asked, watching as the blonde stepped into the class. "It was in my closet-- and I thought I'd give it to you, since Yuui would kill me if he saw it." Another smile. "Oh, and this--" He held out a tape from behind his back, "might be yours, I suppose." He said, holding it out to Kurogane. "I must've mistaken it for mine, since it doesn't have a cover." Kurogane took it, blushing slightly. "Why'd you take the tape, if you were going to give it to me, then?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh. I was a bit apprehensive at giving it to you, but, I guess now, it doesn't matter." He said, glancing over at the TV. There was an awkward silence, before Kurogane suddenly wrapped his arms around the teacher's thin waist, pulling him close. "Y'know, I have this whole class free, for an hour, because of your lil' idiotic mishap-- and your class is free at electives, and P.E" The blonde looked up at him, and the coach planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Kurogane smirked, suggesting his thoughts to the blonde, who giggled in response.

Little did they know, as Kurogane pushed Fai against his desk, that they were being watched by awe-struck students.

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**_OMNOMNOMNOM. LOLZ. SEX-TAPE. x3 Everyone has one, even Kurogane and Fai~! I don't know what the next one is going to be about...Probably Kurogane and Fai as anchormen x3 Based off of those two gay anchormen from American Dad :D Hyuu! They're so adorable! x3 REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWS? and a hug? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? And This one kinda slacked D';_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_BWAHAHAHA. I feel like pirates today! Buuuuut, due to Thanksgiving, I gotta give some lil' Thanksgiving piece. I was doing something on Crazy Horse, and found that, when he was younger, he resembled a blonde, white child. And white settlers thought that he had been stolen by the indiands, because he was paler than the indians, and blonde. ( And yes, Kuro-rin and Fai are lil' kids here ;3 ) Kuro-myu's 10, and Fai's 8 'Cause 8 is a cute number~! :]_**

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**_XX_**

Fai reached down to pick up an acorn, one of many that were littered around the ground. He hummed a tune to himself as he did so, adding the acorn to a pile kept safe in his shirt, which was acting as a make-shift holder. The young blonde looked over at his companion, a pilgrim, and who was currently grumbling curses under his breath. Fai reached down to pick up a vividly colored leaf, and ran up to the boy-- showing him his find with a smile.

"Tch. 'S just a leaf." The raven-haired child mumbled, watching as the blonde indian boy pouted.

"N-no." Fai murmured, shy. His English wasn't very good, yet. "'S pretty." He said, holding up the leaf again.

Kurogane rolled his eyes, returning to gathering the fruits, and nuts that covered the ground. "Just leave me alone; I'd much rather be hunting like the others, than gathering stupid plants." He cursed.

Fai sniffled, frowning as he picked up another acorn, followed by a chestnut. A sudden growl ripped the silence, and Kurogane and Fai instantly turned to the noise. The sound was followed by twigs crackling, and huffing as the origin of the noise appeared. Stopping to stand on its' hind legs, was a bear. Sniffing the air, before turning to the two kids; it opened its' mouth to growl again, but was cut off as several arrows pierced the air, and stung into its' back. A gasp escaped Fai's lips, watching as the animal fell to the ground with a sharp _thud_.

The killing was followed by a cheering whoop, and laughter of relief as the colonists helped to carry the bear off; to prepare it for the feast. Kurogane dropped his gatherings, and ran up to them, "May I help? Please, Father?" He asked one of the settlers, they shared a striking similarity in appearance. The man laughed, "No, son, you'll be able to when you're older--" He said, and if he had a free hand, he'd pat the boy on the head, but since he didn't, he just smiled at him kindly, walking off with the other colonists, all admiring the kill.

Kurogane stood there, pouting, his arms crossed as he watched his father disappear. He turned around and kicked a pebble, causing it to fly and just narrowly miss the indian who was continuing his gatherings with a sad expression. The boy sighed, walking up to the Indian. "What's your name?" He asked, the Indian's bangs covered his eyes, hiding his expression as he replied with a short, "Fai." He looked up at the pilgrim boy, "Yours?" He asked, blushing shyly. The pilgrim felt his heart melt a bit at the smaller boy's expression, but shrugged it off. "I'm Kurogane." He said, giving a cocky smirk.

"K-kuro--?" The blonde tilted his head, he wasn't able to pronounce the last part too well. "Ku-Kuro-pup?" He asked, smiling softly. The older of the two growled, "Kurogane! KURO-GAN-E!" He said, throwing a fit. The blonde Indian giggled at the boy's actions. "Kuro-puppy's mad! Need's hug!" He exclaimed, grinning as he hugged the other. "No! I don't! Hugs are for sissy girls! AND IT'S KUROGANE!" He growled, pushing the younger away. Fai fell back, landing on his bottom with an, 'oof'. He pouted, standing up, and noticing that his gatherings had disappeared. He sniffled, "Help?" He asked quietly, as he started up to gather the foods again. "Where born?" He asked, not even turning his head. Kurogane thought for a moment, trying to understand what the Indian was saying, before answering. "England." He mumbled, "Of course, you wouldn't know what it is." He added, watching the Indian look up at the sky with a wistful expression.

"Yes." He mumbled, indicating that he knew what it was. Kurogane turned to him, narrowing his eyes. "Do not. You've never been there." He retorted, throwing an acorn up into the air, before catching it. Fai shrugged, "Never seen Heaven; but still know." He referred to the beliefs of the colonists, who so often talked about their religion. Kurogane snorted, "You're so dumb." He smirked teasingly, throwing the acorn at the blonde-- who winced as it whizzed by him. "Thats why you not hunt." The blonde laughed softly to himself, "Aim stinks." He grinned, teasing the ninja back. Kurogane huffed air into one cheek, pouting once again.

A soft voice called throughout the forest; calling Kurogane's name. The boy smiled, "That's my mother." He stated fondly, looking down at the Indian, who stood up, still using his shirt to hold the variety of his gatherings. Fai bit his bottom lip, looking at the pilgrim. "You can come meet her, if you want." He suggested to the Indian. Fai sniffled, before hesistantly following the boy.

**_XX_**

"Kurogane, honey, who is this?" A woman asked, giving the indian a welcoming smile. Fai sniffled again, looking up at the woman shyly.

"Mother, this is Fai, he's my new friend!" The boy grinned, introducing his 'friend'. His mother smiled at her son, "Oh, well, it's always good to have new friends. Especially when in a new home." She commented, gently patting Fai on the head. The Indian blushed, smiling back at her.

"Oh, Kurogane, your father and the others are preparing the dinner right now, it should be ready soon. Are you all cleaned up?" She asked, wiping off a speck of dirt from the boy's face.

"_Mom_," The pilgrim drawled, "I'm not five anymore!" He pouted, rubbing his cheek. Fai giggled, before looking up as he felt a hand pat his head. A tall man, with long black hair smiled down at him. "Fai, let's go get those to the cooks." The man suggested, talking about the assortment of nuts, before taking the blonde's hand. Fai nodded lightly, "Yes, Ashura," He gave the colonist boy a small wave, before walking off. Kurogane waved back, "See you at Supper," He called, smiling.

**_XX_**

It had turned out that Fai would miss the feast. Much to Kurogane's displeasure. After the dinner, Kurogane ran off to go find his new friend.

"Fai!" He called, cupping his mouth with his hands to send the name echoing through the woods. He heard leaves rustling, and suddenly felt a lithe body press against him in a pounce.

"Kuro-woof!" The Indian chimed, pulling away as he showed the boy the leaf from before. "Take it." He asked quietly, handing it to the boy who previously denied it.

Kurogane looked at it. He tilted his head, taking it from the younger of the two. He hadn't gotten a chance to look at it before. He was too mad that he wasn't able to go hunting. Now, he was able to see the many colors that merged together, and the perfectness of the leaf. When he paid closer attention to it, he noticed that the leaf was shaped in sort of a heart. A pink tinted his cheeks at the realization of it, and he turned to the blonde. "Thanks, I guess." He mumbled, laying a hand on the leaf-- as if it would break with even the slightest touch, he narrowed his eyes at the plant, and turned to Fai again.

"You think pretty?" The blonde asked, biting his lip.

Kurogane laughed, before ruffling the boy's hair. "Yes. Though I think you're prettier." He gave the now blushing blonde a kiss on the cheek. "'Come on, Fai, I'll show you the settlement." He suggested, grabbing Fai's hand. The Indian only blushed and replied with a faint, "O-okay." The boy was oddly confused about his actions towards the Indian boy. He was only 10. Everything was confusing, but he had a feeling that the kiss would spark something far greater in future years.

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**_Wow. This one was up real late. It missed its' train! Lol. Sucky ending for a story that didn't want one. I love lil' kid Fai/Kuro w *giggles maniacally* Anyways...Sorry, no anchormen D'; I wanted to do one for Thanksgiving so badly! Now I have to make one for Christmas. T 3T Be prepared, however. It's going to be very...odd. .___.;; _**


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